Yeah, I’ll admit it: I succumb to hyperbole way too damn much. After reverring Merriweather Post Pavillion as basically the Second Coming, I’ve imposed self-censoring techniques to ensure I don’t casually call something the “worst ever”, “best ever”, etc. This is because there are instances where such tags are deserved. Merriweather is the best fucking ever. And “I Hate My Life” by Canadian nü grunge quartet (and Nickelback protégés) Theory of A Deadman might be the worst lyrics ever written.
I use the word “ever” knowing full-well it’s semantic implications; “ever” meaning from the beginning of Gregorian Chants to the rise of Classical to the fall of disco. I ask the question, “are these the worst lyrics ever written?”, not rhetorically, not flippantly, and not ironically (okay, maybe a little bit ironically). Either way, here they are for your literary pleasure:
So sick of the hobos
Always beggin’ for change
I don’t like how I gotta work
And they just sit around and get paidI hate all of the people
Who can’t drive their cars
Bitch, you better get out of the way
Before I start falling apartI hate how my wife
Is always up my ass
She always wants to buy brand new things
But I don’t have the cash(aw, please kill me now)
(Refrain)
Well I hate my job, all my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end
Nothing turns out right, there’s no end in sight
I hate my lifeHow come I never get laid?
Nice guys always lose
How could she have another headache?
There’s always some kind of excuseI still hate my job
My boss is a dick
I don’t get paid nearly enough
To put up with all of his shit-(Refrain)-
I hate my job, all my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end
Nothing turns out right, there’s no end in sight
I hate my life-Musical Interlude-
I hate that I can’t tell
When a girl’s underage
And how when I tell her she’s a nice piece of ass
Then her daddy punches me in the faceSo if you’re pissed like me
Bitches, here’s what you’ve gotta do
Put your middle fingers up in the air
Go on and say ‘Fuck you’-(Refrain)-
I hate my job, all my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end
Nothing turns out right, there’s no end in sight
I hate my lifeSo much at stake
Can’t catch a break
I hate my lifeNo there’s nothing new
And it sucks to be you
I fucking hate my lifeFuck
And if interested in the musical accompaniment:
Related: 
April 28th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Yes. Unequivocally, those are the worst lyrics to any song ever written, blowing away the previous title-holder’s “lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains”
April 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
“How could she have another headache?” – kinda brilliant.
And for even more shitty lyrics: snacksandshit.com. So good. Trust me.
April 28th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I’m pretty sure Dubya wrote these lyrics after leaving office…he’s in Theory of A Deadman right???
April 28th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I am pissed like him so, here goes my middle finger….
April 28th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Hmmm. While these are indeed some pretty lame lyrics, I’m not sure that they are any worse than say, ‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson. They just suck in their own way.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
This is brilliant. It’s an anthem. Is it a smash hit yet?
April 29th, 2009 at 11:19 am
sounds like he’s just had one of those days. he needs something to break.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Thank you SO much for this. I really thought I was the only one that HATED this song. It’s horrible.