(RED), the famous Aids awareness organization, is joining forces with some of its BFF’s to throw a benefit concert. “Hal Willner Presents: An Evening with Gavin Friday and Friends” will feature performances from longtime friends and (RED) supporters like Bono, The Edge and Scarlett Johannson, as well as Shane McGowan and Courtney Love, who, if anything, will help sell tickets by appearing as toothless trainwrecks. The event, to be held at the Carnegie Hall in New York City, will also feature Laurie Anderson, Antony, Elizabeth Ashley, Adam Clayton, Andrea Corr, Flo & Eddie, Joel Grey, Bill Frisell, Guggi, Scarlett Johansson, Lydia Lunch, Patrick McCabe, Maria McKee, Eric Mingus, Larry Mullen, Jr., JG Thirlwell, Martha Wainwright, Rufus Wainwright and Chloe Webb, as well as surprise guests. Tickets go on sale at 11am (here), so get your AMEX out, as you do not want to miss Kanye inevitably telling the Wainwright Siblings that they are good, but their Dad made one of the best albums of all time. Hopefully (RED) will have Courtney Love live tweet the event.

We were awfully amped to report not too long ago that Bono and the Edge’s Spiderman on Broadway project was going forward, full steam ahead. Rolling Stone is reporting today that major roles have now been cast with Evan Rachel Wood to play Mary Jane Watson. You may remember Wood as that crazy girl from Thirteen or Marilyn Manson’s most recent special friend. We’ve developed newfound respect for the starlet as a result of this little bit of sound-byte magic:

“Bono and the Edge are doing the music. It was hysterical, I got to do the workshop, sit down with them playing guitars going over the music, and I was making jokes going, watch by the end of this, I’ll be telling them what to do. And by the end I was! I was like, Bono, I know you want to save the world and everything, but in this song you’re talking about poverty and world hunger and it’s Broadway, can we lighten this up a bit, can I just not sing this? And he was like, [in Irish accent] ‘You’re right, I know, we have to try, we have to try.’”

She’s bold. Alan Cumming, who will be playing the Green Goblin, provided no additional laughs.

In March, the editors over at Nerve posted their picks for the Forty Sexiest Frontwomen in Rock History, and after receiving a bit of flack for their picks, the editors have struck again; only this time (more importantly) with the Forty Sexiest Frontmen in Rock History.

Unlike most ‘hottest whatever in rock’ lists, Nerve has managed to avoid sticking to the ties of classic cliches, keeping Sting away from the number one position, and instead making the tantric Police frontman stay put at number 26. Sure, Sting is sexy, but we don’t think he’s the sexiest frontman that has ever walked on a stage, but we have to say we think he is far sexier than Bono, (can we please think back to the Joshua Tree-era when he had a mullet?), who landed at 24. We are calling Nerve out on their Bono pick as a major league strike.

Also on the list, Red Hot Chili Pepper’s frontman, Anthony Kiedis at number 21, Jeff Buckley and Kurt Cobain helped round out the top 15, while Bruce Springsteen landed himself at lucky number 7 on the Sexy Man list. We will keep any bias we might feel towards Bruce out of the way, only to say that still after the days of his prime, the New Jersey boy is still looking quite nice (though he’s old enough to be some of our fathers).

Finally, to top off the list the Nerve editors chose Morrissey as their number three, David Bowie as their number two and Prince as their ultimate hot man. Personally, we would have much rather seen Mr. Glenn Danzig at number one (opinions of the writer do not reflect those of The Tripwire) than a man who has referred to himself as a symbol. At least they didn’t throw Michael Jackson onto the list.

To see the full list, click here.

You and I have absolutely nothing in common with the members of U2. The Irish quartet has sat at the zenith of fame for twenty straight years. They sell out stadiums at every end of the world, own hotels and restaurants, talk with the U.N., and live a life unimaginable to most (though it should be said that 95% of U2’s fame is really Bono’s fame). Bono’s international prestige and abundance of global experiences have insulated him from real world experiences. It’s not that Bono doesn’t understand the proletariat anymore — after all, U2’s ostensible raison d’être is humanism — it’s that Bono’s wealth of experience has resulted in a righteous and celestial persona that has produced the worst music of his career. Indeed, there have been several bloody Sunday’s to sing about, but Bono’s now the one ineffectively mediating the crisis at the U.N., not the one protesting at the front line. This is why Bono’s motives are viewed with suspicion, why his idealism in regards to African aid is considered naïve, and why he is a constant parody of the “celebrity meets activist” paradigm.

“I don’t want to talk about wars between nations,” he announces on the bloated masturbation that is the album’s lead single, “Get On Your Boots”. The line is as ridiculous as it is vacuous. It’s incredibly curious how “Boots” even made it onto No Line on the Horizon, let alone became the album’s launch pad. Fortunately, the quasi-rock anthem is sonically independent from the rest of the album. Unfortunately, it’s still one of the album’s better songs. No Line is boasted as a return to the “classic” U2 sound (an absurd claim considering their diverse range of albums) but most of it sounds like b-sides from 2000’s All That You Can’t Leave Behind. However, where “Beautiful Day” had its soaring hooks, No Line is guilty of the worst kind of musical complacency. It is painfully innocuous: an album for the Grammys, Billboard, Grey’s Anatomy, etc. It takes not a single risk. Musically, the rich textures of Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois mire most tracks and The Edge’s signature guitar lines have never been so mild. On “Magnificent”, an opening guitar grinds and synth layers anticipate something magnanimous until the song devolves into a soft-rock bore. Bono then mutters a lyric that would better suit the Jonas Brothers: “Only love can leave such a mark/ but only love can heal such a scar.” The barometer for maudlin bullshit goes off the charts as he bellows “It’s not if I believe in love/ if it’s love believes in me” on the next track. In comes the worst-titled U2 track ever, “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”, featuring Bono’s worst lyrics and one of the least evocative MOR, adult-contemporary Brian Eno-infused melodies I’ve ever heard. After five tracks, No Line makes Viva La Vida sound more intense than Fucked Up.

The musical inoffensiveness is complimented by Bono’s incessant empty moralizing. “Cedars of Lebanon” channels the surface emotions of a journalist in the Middle East “squeezing complicated lives into a simple headline.” On “Breathe”, it’s a rallying call to promote “a love you can’t defeat.” The somber “White As Snow” ponders “who can forgive forgiveness where forgiveness is not?” Indeed, self-righteousness is much easier to maintain through rhetoric than through blunt talk. It’s easier to bitch about indifferent Western nations and Third World debt than it is to call-out the world leaders that perpetuate it.

U2 haven’t released a great album since Achtung Baby. But where Pop may have been considered a critical flop, it was admirably ostentatious and risky. Similarly, three subsequent tours (ZooTV, Pop Mart, Elevation) challenged the standard dimensions of an arena or stadium rock show. Undoubtedly, U2 pioneered new methods in tour and deservingly ascended themselves to God-like status in the music world. However, No Line sits idly by, content to borrow from safe terrain, uninterested in exploring anything new (perhaps it’s just old age?). Though not unbearable, No Line is simply anodyne new music — the least appealing of U2’s venerable career.

Bono finally took some time off from his busy schedule of being the most charitable person alive, and look what happened — U2 are releasing their first studio album in five years, No Line on the Horizon, in March.

The band announced the release today, and the March 2 release will be the band’s 12th studio LP. Sessions for the album began last year in Morocco and continued in the band’s home studio back in Dublin before moving to New York and then wrapping up in London.

Production credits on the album include long-time collaborators Brian Eno and Danny Lanois, as well as Steve Lillywhite.

It’ll be interesting to see how our new and unimproved economy takes to No Line on the Horizon, since their 2004 release How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb sold 9 million copies in 2004.

We’ve seen some of the worst lyrics lists floating around, but our friends at the Village Voice took it one step further and instituted a NCAA-style bracket system to determine the winner.

Writer Rob Harvilla “provided a trusted colleague with the 16 artists who qualified and had him assign seeds.” The seeds were broken up into two brackets — Bono and ODB. You can see the “terrifying mélange of appalling oral-sex requests, bargain-bin philosophies, grammatical atrocities, and cringe-inducing pillow talk” that made the brackets below, but to avoid stealing this story completely, you’ll have to go here to see the completed bracket and the winner of the worst lyrics of 2008.

ODB Bracket

1. The Killers “Human”
Lyrical line: Are we human / or are we dancer?

2. Weezer “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived”
Lyrical line: You try to play it cool like you just don’t care / But soon I’ll be playin’ in your underwear.

3. Nickelback “Something In Your Mouth”
Lyrical line: You look so much cuter with something in your mouth.

4. Lady GaGa “Boys Boys Boys”
Lyrical line: Love it when you call me ‘Legs’ / In the morning buy me eggs.

5. The Streets “Alleged Legends”
Lyrical line: Do what you think’s right and you will feel all right / ‘Cause when you’re bad you will feel sad / That’s the religion I live by.

6. Usher “Trading Places”
Lyrical line: Skip dinner and gon’ rent a movie / You order Chinese food right before you do me.

7. Nas “My President Is Black”
Lyrical line: She ain’t a politician / Honey’s a pole-i-tician.

8. T-Pain “Therapy”
Lyrical line: I don’t need your sex / I’ll masturbate.

Bono Bracket

1. Lil Wayne “Dr. Carter”
Lyrical line: Swagger tighter than a yeast infection / Fly go hard like geese erection.

2. Metallica “Broken, Beat & Scarred”
Lyrical line: What don’t kill you make you more strong.

3. Kate Nash “Mariella”
Lyrical line: If I want to think / I’ll think with my head.

4. Katy Perry “Hot N Cold”
Lyrical line: You change your mind like a girl changes clothes / You PMS like a bitch / I would know.

5. Ne-Yo “So You Can Cry”
Lyrical line: I won’t attend your pity party / I’d rather go have calamari.

6. Lucinda Williams “Honey Bee”
Lyrical line: I’m so glad you stung me / Now I’ve got your honey / All over my tummy.

7. The Game “My Life”
Lyrical line: Hated on so much / Passion of Christ need a sequel.

8. Pharrell on Common’s “Announcement”
Lyrical line: My dick is like a Blow Pop, baby.